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Wednesday 16 August 2017

Satire

Radical Religion Demands Right To Be Miserable Victims

Stefan Di Marco Tuesday 3 November 2015



RADICAL Victim group Hizbutt T’Rear has complained that child members of the Victimology religion should not be forced to enjoy Australian sunshine, beaches and fresh air.

Addressing a Victimology conference in Bankstown spokesman Ah-Baad Dood said the Australian government must impose a religious fee on all trees, sand and grass to raise funds, expected to be between $200 - $500 million a year, to donate to the group so they can deradicalise the Australian weather, which in its current form is culturally offensive.

“Our children should not be so oppressed by all the beauty of this country. Where are the dry, barren deserts of our homelands from which we fled?” Mr Dood asked the crowds.

“We have been discriminated against on the basis that when we say really stupid things we look really stupid.”

“We are also being labelled whiners and whingers on the basis that we like to complain about everything,” Mr Dood whined.

Another prominent speaker, Omad Inssain addressed the rights of child Victims to not sing happy songs.

“It is offensive to be happy because happy kids are Weet Bix kids and Weet Bix kids are Aussie kids. This is an appalling situation for our kids.” Mr Inssain said.

“If we are not vigilant, they might also become happy little Vegemites and this is absolutely intolerable - unless Weet Bix and Vegemite are victim-food certified in which case we make an exception.”

Mr Inssain told the assembled victims each time one of their children stole a car, dealt in drugs, were involved in drive by shootings or killed a random member of the public they were being treated like criminals.

“The police come to their house to arrest them. We say enough of this victimisation,” he said.

“They call this a free country but where is this freedom when you can’t steal a car or fire off a round from a semi-automatic without the fear of a police response?”

Mr Inssain said if it wasn’t for the Australian legal system making allowances for their kids’ ‘cultural rights’ to steal cars and fire weapons, some of them could end up in prison where they would be at risk of going off the rails.