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Tuesday 17 January 2017

Satire

Greens Toying Around With Gender Bending

Stefan Di Marco Thursday 26 November 2015




AUSTRALIAN Greens Senators are calling for an inquiry into whether children’s toys have any effect on why 90% of voters do not vote for the Greens.

Greens spokes-non-gender-person Larissa Bonkers said she was concerned that boys who played with toy cars and trucks grew up generally balanced and normally adjusted so therefore would be unlikely to vote Green.

“I’m outraged, I’m alarmed, I’m shocked, I’m saddened, I’m disheartened and angry when I think - and that’s not something I do very often - that boys will be boys.” Ms Bonkers wept.

“Why can’t boys be girls, too? This is disgraceful discrimination. Somebody should make a law about it. Oh wait!”

Ms Bonkers said she had taken the issue to her Greens colleagues who agreed there was no greater issue facing the nation. Senator Sookey Hysteria-Youngster broke out in tears when she thought of how preschool boys were being victimised by not having the opportunity to play with Barbie dolls.

“Tragedy happens!” she sobbed while displaying photos of boys with their Tonka trucks laughing and playing in sandpits.

“And in the interest of equality, little girls should be made to play with slingshots, bows and arrows and toy machine guns whether they want to or not,” whined Ms Hysteria-Youngster.

“Who knows? Some day these little girls may just have the chance to work internationally with organisations like Hamas or Hezbollah. Or even Al-Qaeda or ISIS. These organisations have enormous growth potential and are looking for new recruits as we speak.”

The Greens said they would be looking at a tri-partisan agreement to establish career opportunities for young girls and boys to work together to qualify them for such international opportunities.

Labor has agreed to the Greens request.

Prime Minister Turnbull has said he finds the proposal interesting and worth considering.

“Let me just say this. While we have a situation where there is a disparity of sexual or gender specific identity there will always be some confusion about the roles that some men and some women play in our community….now when I say “confusion”, I don’t mean, you know, uncertainty in the mind of the individual himself, or herself, as the case may be, but in the wider and more general context of predetermined conceptions of what that may mean. So when I say confusion it has to be weighed up with the general Latin origin ‘confusionem’ or ‘nominative confusio’ meaning a disorder or mingling, and balanced with a more modern interpretation,” Mr Turnbull said.

Reporters were handed an edited translation of the Prime Minster’s answer, while eight swooning female reporters from the ABC and The Guardian were treated by ambulance after suffering delusional fits and fainting spells